Midnight rambler
Weed smoker
Hennessy drinking fisher girl
I run
I hide
I seek that high
I know why I am here
Shiraz sipper
Tequila mixer
Sam Adam’s bottle of beer drinker
Come with me
Let’s escape this bliss
And see what heaven really is || 20APRIL1995 || beautiful muse Natasha || @ngrayy



☽◯☾Her antiquity in preceding and surviving succeeding tellurian generations: her nocturnal predominance: her satellitic dependence: her luminary reflection: her constancy under all her phases, rising and setting by her appointed times, waxing and waning: the forced invariability of her aspect: her indeterminate response to inaffirmative interrogation: her potency over effluent and refluent waters: her power to enamour, to mortify, to invest with beauty, to render insane, to incite to and aid delinquency: the tranquil inscrutability of her visage: the terribility of her isolated dominant resplendent propinquity: her omens of tempest and of calm: the stimulation of her light, her motion and her presence: the admonition of her craters, her arid seas, her silence: her splendour, when visible: her attraction, when invisible ~ James Joyce ☽◯☾




I am free as a bird,
And light as a feather
I am reminded of myself,
Then forgotten in a glance
Who spoke those words to me,
and will I remember the sound of those sweet breaths next to my ear?
I forecast the shadow of the trees
and know no longer their hindrance
I am free as a bird,
And light as a feather




The wind will dance
The flowers will rise
The sun will shine
And the earth will turn,
The ocean will rock
The sand will soak
The moon will glow
And the sky will burst
No hope to stop
Rainbows will be rainbows
And my soul will climb




I was first introduced to Louise Erdrich by one of my dearest friends, a talented writer and feminist professor. I fell in love with her prose the first very line I read in The Blue Jay’s Dance. It is a must have for every new mother for comfort and every accomplished mother for memories.

Karen Louise Erdrich is a American author of novels, poetry, and children’s books. Her father is German American and mother is half Ojibwe and half French American. She is an enrolled member of the Anishinaabe nation (also known as Chippewa). She is widely acclaimed as one of the most significant Native writers of the second wave of what critic Kenneth Lincoln has called the Native American Renaissance. (source)


“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”

Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum


“Women without children are also the best of mothers,often, with the patience,interest, and saving grace that the constant relationship with children cannot always sustain. I come to crave our talk and our daughters gain precious aunts. Women who are not mothering their own children have the clarity and focus to see deeply into the character of children webbed by family. A child is fortuante who feels witnessed as a peron,outside relationships with parents by another adult.”

Louise Erdrich, The Blue Jay’s Dance: A Birth Year



“There will never come a time when I will be able to resist my emotions.”

Louise Erdrich, Tales of Burning Love


“What is this life but the sound of an appalling love.”

Louise Erdrich


“When every inch of the world is known, sleep may be the only wilderness that we have left.”

Louise Erdrich, The Blue Jay’s Dance


“To love another human in all of her splendor and imperfect perfection , it is a magnificent task…tremendous and foolish and human.”

Louise Erdrich, The Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse



“So many things in the world have happened before. But it’s like they never did. Every new thing that happens to a person, it’s a first… In that night I felt expansion, as if the world was branching out in shoots and growing faster than the eye could see. I felt smallness, how the earth divided into bits and kept dividing. I felt stars.”’

Louise Erdrich, Love Medicine



Even if I cannot attain the dreams I hold,
Even if I can’t touch them, my own that I didn’t have the fate to create, I love.
Even if I don’t know that peace so that I seek,
Even if my heart collapses and my body devoured by itself, I love.
Even if I fall short of bestowing these wisdom gifts to a majority of healing and ears and hearts,
Even if I fall and break the way of my heart from longing, I love.
Even if I follow my bliss and stand arms stretched out among the rainbows of this world,
Even if am not disciplined in the way I’ve planned so many times to be
Even if this dream too falls and fades away, I love.
Even if my heart shadows my grace and my will to carry on succumbs to a conscious unknown,
Even if my flapping wings give way and the flowers wilt, I love.
Even if my climb is too tiring to carry on,
Even I f weep more than I once did at night, alone and together, I love.
Even if my magic pardons the innate and my sense of desire is unwoven and spun, I love.
Even if my greatest fears come true, the tragedy–words filled with emotion are cut short
Even if the steps I’ve taken are known only by me, I love.
Even if my light outshines my dark and my little heart dances each day looking forward to the twilight for dawn, I love.
Even if the dark night of my soul is not a phase,
Even if my eyes are the light of life it very self, I love.
Even if all I’ve known is lost in oblivion and my mind no longer knows it’s own memories,
I love.
Even if all,
Even if nothing
Even if every color in between, I love.
And that is not painless.


I am an orphan,
Alone on her own
Seeking nothing more than my own guidance
I am a shell of beauty
A wall of strength
Inner turmoil of emotion and compassion runs through me
My mother lied
My fathers’ died
And I sit here unspoken


Midnight rambler
Weed smoker
Hennessy drinking fisher girl
I run
I hide
I seek that high
I know why I am here
Shiraz sipper
Tequila mixer
Sam Adam’s bottle of beer drinker
Come with me
Let’s escape this bliss
And see what heaven really is


Aching clinging pain
Knowing, knowing fading
Gripping heart
I do remember now the thought of love gone wrong